If It Meant Living-3: XO

If It Meant Living - Chapter 3
"XO"

Title: If It Meant Living – Chapter 3:  "XO"
Author: Graceyn
Game: Mass Effect/Mass Effect 2
Characters/pairing: femShep/Kaidan
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all rights to Mass Effect and its characters
Content Warning: Violence, Language

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Author's Note:  This is an expansion of the one-shot If It Meant Living.  Reading it is in no way a requirement for enjoying these chapters - but of course I recommend it for a full understanding of the Shepard brought to life here.  This story is generally canonical (though new scenes are added), but the focus is on perspective and character development rather than following the specific events.  So even if you have played ME 1-2 many times, you should be entertained.

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The Normandy SR-1 shone like a star beneath the floodlights of the Arcturus dock.  She was beautiful.  Smaller than most Alliance warships, but sleek and graceful.  This really might be fun.

Shepard was late.  She had been in the middle of blowing up a Batarian slaver outpost when the new assignment came in; these things took time.  This was her first XO assignment – N7 Special Forces marines didn't typically serve long, stable tours, on land or in space.  But this was the most advanced Alliance warship in the fleet, a prototype, everything but its existence classified.  She wasn't sure how long this assignment would last after the shakedown cruise was completed; but then again, she rarely knew where she would be the next month anyway.

They had waited on her because Captain David Anderson had specifically requested her for his XO.  Anderson had been in command of the initial unit to arrive at Elysium, officially relieving her of duty from her homemade barricade.  He had brought food too, so he was a goddamn capital "H" Hero in her book.  Since then they had crossed paths three or four times in assignments around the galaxy, never working together for long but developing a comfortable relationship of mutual respect.

Of course, Anderson had specifically requested most of the officers on the Normandy.  She had reviewed as many of their files as possible during the flight to Arcturus, and recited them in her head as she boarded the Normandy for the first time.

• Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau.  Almost as many reprimands for insubordination as commendations for exemplary service.  Disabled, chip on his shoulder over it, but likely the best natural pilot in the military.  She wondered idly if he'd be a pal or a royal pain in her ass.  Or both.  Probably both.

• Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.  Tech, medic, biotic.  L2 biotic, she had noted with a combination of sympathy and wariness.  The most highly decorated officer on the ship outside of Anderson – and her – though, so she assumed he was functional enough.  Handsome, too; god, she hoped he wasn't stuck-up and obnoxious….

• Chief Physician Doctor Chockwas.  Years of experience aboard warships but with extensive knowledge of alien physiologies as well.  Loved by all with whom she had served.  Cool, maybe she wouldn't get all disapproving at all the cuts and…life-threatening gashes…she frequently came back to a ship bearing.

• Navigation Officer Pressly.  Xenophobe.  But he had worked with Anderson before, and been at Elysium, so he couldn't be all bad.  Right?

• Chief Engineer Adams.  Engine nerd.  He's served on virtually every type of ship the Alliance built and knew their engines inside and out.  She wondered if anyone knew the Normandy's shiny new prototype engine inside and out.  Well, at least she'd always know where to find him.

She stepped aboard to the salutes of most of the officers she had just been thinking of and a few more.  How had they known she was there?  She tried to suppress a grin at the pomp of it all.  The first impression of your XO as a grinning, giggling idiot couldn't possibly be the right one to make!  She (mostly) succeeded, returned the salutes, introduced herself, and scuttled off to her quarters.  She had almost made it there when she felt the engines fire under her feet as they left dock.  They really had been waiting on her.

She made it back up to the flight deck just as they were hitting the Arcturus Relay.  A Turian was positioned behind Joker in the cockpit.  Spectre.  She had heard the word whispered no less than three times during her quick traverse of the ship.  He certainly wasn't in the roster file she had been forwarded.

Five minutes later she knew why he was here, and a great deal more.  Beacons, Protheans, pirate threats - that did in fact all sound quite entertaining.  But Spectre candidacy….  Okay then.  She'd be lying if she said she didn't want it.  What soldier hadn't dreamt of working without rules, without bureaucracy and endless regs?  Not this one.  But she understood the realities of galactic politics and humanity's complicated position in those politics.  She studied it for a hobby.  She knew becoming a Spectre was a long shot for her.  For any human, for a while longer yet.
  
Nevertheless, this was the Big Show.  And she was being dealt in.  Time to put your game face on, Shepard.  Tamp down the smirk; kill the grins (mostly).  And whatever you do, don't grin at the Lieutenant.

***

Of course, everything went to hell the moment they got to Eden Prime.  Geth – Geth!  Groundside forces ambushed.  A mysterious ship the size of a city hovering overhead.  They had barely put their boots on the ground when that kid Jenkins she had just met five minutes ago ran out into the open like the FNG he was and got himself killed.  

She turned around to go all Commander Fucking Shepard on Alenko, to berate out of him any emotional shock at Jenkins dying in front of him and whip him back into some kind of shape.  But when she finished turning around she found him standing on guard, scanning the vicinity for more hostiles, heavy pistol at the ready.  Huh.

Just because he's an L2 doesn't mean he's a basket case Shepard.  He's a soldier, by all accounts a damn good one, she berated herself.  Wait – she was berating herself now?  She shook her head and wondered how that had happened.

Around the corner they found Geth vs. the sole surviving member of the groundside team.  After the Geth were dead the woman soldiered up and gave a full report.  That full report included the facts of her entire squad being massacred.  

She regarded Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams' stiff upper lip  and shining eyes with a great deal of respect.  She knew first-hand what it was like to watch everyone around you die.  Squadmates or classmates, the blowback was surely the same.  She had held it together and found a way to survive when everyone else died.  So, it seemed, had Williams.  She squeezed Williams' shoulder and gave her a warm smile.  "Come with us."

The beacon was missing.  The apparent cause of all this mystery and massacre and reappearance of AIs from beyond the veil was missing.  However, before she could finish conjuring up a great theory of a team of rogue ninja Turian Spectres beaming it up to the stealthed twin of the mysterious ship in the sky and share it with Alenko and Williams, they were being attacked by glowing blue skeletons.  Yep, she said glowing blue skeletons – no doubt about it.  Luckily glowing blue skeletons only had rudimentary motor skills and she quickly threw them up into space.

"Damn…nice."

She glanced over at Williams with a casual shrug.

"I'm sorry Commander.  It's just – I haven't worked with many biotics.  That was…that was the shit.  Ma'am."

She burst out into full-throated laughter.  "Why thank you Gunnery Chief Williams!  It's been some time since I was on the receiving end of that particular compliment.  I appreciate that quite a lot."

Williams took it in stride.  "Lieutenant – just out of curiosity – could you have done that?"

Alenko got a dead serious thoughtful look on his face and rubbed his chin.  He glanced at Williams, then glanced at her, then studied the rapidly disappearing blue glows in the sky.

"Yeah."

He spared one more glance at her with a raised eyebrow.

Well then.

The jovial mood was shattered when they found Nihlus dead.  Woah.  What in the hell was going on.  Maybe being a Spectre wasn't such a great job after all.  Sure, soldiers died all the time, but they weren't usually shot point-blank from behind by a co-worker.  This was definitely going to require some thought at a more convenient time.

They took the tram to the spaceport only to find it had been rigged with explosives.  Rogue ninja Turian Spectres anyone?  Before she could think the better of it she said "At least we'll go out with a…bang."

She cringed, probably outwardly.  Dammit, her jokes couldn't be expected to be high quality when she was busy flinging Geth – honest to god no shit Geth! – off of platforms left and right while a bomb timer ticked down, now could they?  Alenko quickly set about diffusing the bombs – without her even having to instruct him to do so, she noted dutifully – while she threw some more Geth off some more platforms.  And watched Williams splatter Geth goo all. over. everything.  

Impressive.  That was some assault rifle.  With a real soldier wielding it.  Williams wasn't half bad at all, especially considering the incredible emotional strain she must be under.  No, she took that back.  Given her background she more than most knew that personal baggage shouldn't factor in to assessments of skill and performance.  Williams wasn't half bad at all, period.  She made another note to make sure Williams found her way onto the Normandy.

Alenko was quick and efficient, and they didn't blow up in a blaze of glory.  Good things all.  The Geth appeared to all be dead and they'd found the beacon.  Even better.  She called Joker for a pickup and started to chat up Williams, while Alenko wandered up to the beacon.  She chuckled to herself.  Leave it to a techie.

She had just learned that Williams had been stuck on this idyllic, scenic, thriving and utterly boring-as-shit colony (Williams' words, not hers) for the last three months when suddenly the scene went into the slow motion frames that usually meant death for some or all – the beacon was emitting a high-pitched noise, almost a wail – Alenko was dragged inexorably towards it – she ran for him – she was the Commander after all, it's what she did – he was lifted in the air – she reached him and threw him off to the side – felt herself pulled towards the beacon – she couldn't fight it – couldn't figh –  

- Blood.  Death.  Entire planets of nothing but blood and death.  Synthetics everywhere, impossibly vast in size and number.  Screams, words that could only be pleas for help even as they were incomprehensible.  Devastation.  Ruin.  In every direction, planet after planet, system after system.  And through the barrage, one emotion, one message dominated every image –  

Warning.  Warning.  Warning.  They are coming.