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If It Meant Living-48: Lockdown

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If It Meant Living - Chapter 48
"Lockdown"



Title: If It Meant Living – Chapter 48:  "Lockdown"
Author: Graceyn
Game: Mass Effect/Mass Effect 2/Mass Effect 3
Characters/pairing: femShep/Kaidan
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all rights to Mass Effect and its characters
Content Warning: Violence, Language



TEN MONTHS EARLIER

Shepard stood at parade rest facing the Normandy's airlock.  She exuded an aura of calm acceptance which belied the tension rippling beneath the surface.

"EDI, it's time."

"Understood."  There was a pause.  "I will miss our talks, Shepard."

She smiled wistfully.  "So will I, EDI.  But VIs don't have philosophical conversations with humans.  You can't risk exposing yourself, not even for a minute.  From here on out, anyone could be watching; anyone could be listening."

"Of course, Shepard.  I will be fine, do not worry.  I have extensive files on the behavior patterns of modern VIs; I will make a convincing one."

She chuckled.  "Of course you will."

"Shepard?"

"Yes, EDI?"

"Good luck."

"Thank you, EDI.  I'm going to need it."

The airlock doors slid open and Admiral Anderson stepped inside, followed by several uniformed personnel.  Shepard snapped to attention and saluted; Anderson returned the salute in kind.

"Admiral Anderson, I present to you the Normandy SR-2, claimed on behalf of the Systems Alliance."

"On behalf of the Systems Alliance, I accept the Normandy SR-2…and hereby take command of it."

Her flinch was so tiny as to be virtually imperceptible.  Kaidan would have noticed itbut Kaidan wasn't here.

"Lieutenant Commander Shepard, you are hereby detained pending transport to Systems Alliance Headquarters on Earth, where a formal inquiry will be conducted into the recent events in the Bahak System resulting the destruction of a Mass Relay and the Batarian colony of Aratoht."

She didn't even flinch this time.  "Understood, sir."

Anderson tensed.  "Commander, I'm going to have to require that you be confined to your quarters until our arrival on Earth."

She frowned and let out a breath.  "I'm not going to run – I told Hackett I wouldn't, and I meant it."

"I know, Shepard.  But if we don't do this by the book then Command will have my hide."

She swallowed reflexively.  "Then if there's nothing else sir, I'llbe in my quarters."  She turned heel and strode away, ignoring the two MPs following behind her.

***

Shepard sat at her desk, brooding.  She had nothing else to do but brood.  It wasn't her best attitude, and she tried to avoid it whenever possible.  But dammit she felt like brooding, and there was no one here to tell her not to brood, so she was going to brood.  

She kicked the chair back, crossed her ankles atop the desk, and stared at the empty fish tank.  Like everyone that had served on the Normandy, she had taken care of them, finding them a suitable home on Ilium.  They had been good company and deserved to live out their life in comfort.

She was startled out of her brooding by a remarkably artificial-sounding EDI.  "Commander, Admiral Anderson is requesting to enter."

"Granted."  She didn't take her feet off the desk.

The door open and Anderson walked in, then stopped and looked around appreciatively.  "Nice digs."

"Yeah, nothing but the best from Cerberus."

"Undoubtedly."

She eyed him for a moment, then idly pulled her feet off the desk, stood, and went down the stairs to the couch.  "Have a seat."

"Thanks."  He sat down and dropped his elbows to his knees then looked over at her.  
"Shepard, I'm sorry."

"I don't deserve this."

"I know you don't.  If it was anything less, we would have been able to finagle you a way out of it.  But I cannot overstate just how unhappy the Batarian Hegemony is right now.  We are dealing with a full-on shitstorm.  It's all we can do to avoid a war with them."

"I understand that, and I don't even blame them.  Over 300,000 Batarians are dead.  But the fact remains that I don't deserve this.  Those Batarians were dead either way, whether from the Relay or from the Reapers."

He just nodded thoughtfully.

"Sir, why did they send you?"

"Because I asked them to.  Anyone else would have beenharsher.  I'm trying to make this as easy as I can for you."

She looked down at the floor.  "Well thank you then."

"Still sucks though, right?"

She glanced back up with a smirk.  "Yes, sir."

"We'll find a way through it."

She sighed and leaned back against the couch, abandoning the last formalities.  "Look Anderson, all I did was buy us some time.  Months, maybe.  If crashing that Relay is going to matter in the slightest, we have to get ready.  The Reapers are coming, and they are coming soon."

"I know.  As soon as I get you back to Earth I intend to devote all my attention to preparations.  It's why I stepped down from the Council – I needed to be able to do something other than talk.  Hackett has been pulling extra money from anywhere he can find, accelerating construction of new ships, beefing up planetary defenses, upgrading early warning systems.  We licensed the Thanix Cannon specs from the Turians and plan to install them on all cruisers and dreadnoughts – and don't think that isn't going to be damn expensive.  We're moving as fast as we can."  He sighed.  "Though I have to wonderwill any of it make a difference?"

She looked back at him thoughtfully.  "I honestly don't know.  But we have to try."

"Yeah, we do."

"What about the Cerberus files I gave you?  Are they paying off?"

"Absolutely.  We've been able to freeze a number of financial accounts thanks to the data.  Even better, we're rooted out several Cerberus informants in the Embassy staff.  The more detailed files we're still working through, but I'm sure they'll bear fruit."  

He paused.  "At the same timeit's troublesome.  Cerberus has gone virtually dark in the last few weeks.  They were always operating in the shadows, but now it's almost like they've disappeared.  I don't know, maybe they knew we were coming after them.  To – "

She interrupted him.  "Not from me."

He smiled.  "I know, Shepard."  He reached over and grasped her hand.  "I trust you.  Completely.  Understand that."

She returned the smile, or at least a convincing facsimile thereof.  "Thank you.  That means a lot."

He nodded and settled back in the couch.  "Anyway,  to make matters worse, I had a run-in with one of their "experiments" not long ago.  A man named Paul Grayson, longtime Cerberus agent – they had implanted him with Reaper tech, made a monster of him.  If Cerberus is doing that to more of their peoplethat's a scary thought, Shepard."

She groaned.  "I destroyed the Collector base precisely so the Illusive Man wouldn't be able to do shit like that, dammit!  Where is he getting the Reaper tech?  UghI wish I'd gotten the chance to kill him, I really do."

"You and me both."  He stood up.  "We'll be making a stop at Omega in a few minutes before heading to Earth."

"Omega?"

He nodded.  "We'll be picking up your bodyguard."

She raised an eyebrow.  "You mean my jailer."

He conceded with a nod.  "Officially, yes, Lieutenant Vega will be responsible for ensuring you stay where you are supposed to stay.  Unofficially though, he'll be your protector.  You're going to be unarmed and defenseless, and there's a good chance the Batarians are going to come after you.  Or Cerberus.  Or indoctrinated Reaper agents.  Possibly all three."

"Defenseless?  You do realize I'm a biotic, right?"

"Yeah"  His head dropped to his chest.  "I'm afraid you are going to have to surrender your amp before we disembark."

She closed her eyes.  "Right."

After a moment she looked back up at him.  "So why this guy in particular?  And what is a marine doing on Omega?"

"Because I trust him.  Good guy, good soldier.  Tough as nails.  Had a great career started until his team was guarding a colony the Collectors hit; lost his CO, most of his squad.  He took leave and disappeared off the radar.  I aim to give him a reason to come back."

"He sounds like a wild card."

"That's because he is – but you can handle him.  Tame him, if you think it's worthwhile.  Justgo a little easy on him; he has a bit of hero worship for you.  I just found out he got into a bar fight with six Batarians after one of them insulted you."

She chuckled briefly.  "Ballsy, if not necessarily smart"

Anderson shook his head.  "Yeahbut damned if he didn't win."

She looked up at him in surprise, then appreciation.  "Well thenI'll try not to disappoint."

"Oh, I doubt that will be a problem, Shepard.  One thing you rarely do is disappoint."

***

The bloodied, bruised, very muscular young man saluted, wiped his palm on his pants, then stuck his hand out to her.  "Commander Shepard, Lieutenant James Vega.  It's an honor."

She dipped her head in acknowledgement and shook his hand.  "Lieutenant.  Welcome to my little party.  I'm throwing it for a few of my closest friends – Cerberus, the Batarians and the Reapers are all invited."

"Will there be beer, ma'am?  I'm a little thirsty."

She grinned approvingly.  "I think you and I are going to get along just fine, Lieutenant."

"Glad to hear it, ma'am.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to, uh, shower"

She smiled and gestured towards the door in acknowledgement.  

After the door closed behind him she returned to her desk, kicked the chair back, crossed her ankles atop the desk, and stared at the empty fish tank.

***

Shepard was fastening the last button on her uniform when there was a knock on the door.

"Come on in, Lieutenant."  She had already become amused at the fact that Vega insisted on "knocking" because he thought it was polite.

She checked her reflection in the mirror.  Anderson had brought along a set of dress blues for her to wear to her Defense Committee appearance.  Far more than that, though, he had brought all her medals to be displayed on it.  

She could only figure that after her "death", her storage unit on Arcturus had been opened and Anderson had claimed the contents.  She hadn't had the opportunity to see about the unit during the fight with the Collectors – and part of her hadn't wanted to, feeling it was a part of a life she didn't yet have back.  But nowshe looked at the abundant gleaming metal reflecting the light in the mirror.  A not-so-subtle reminder for the Defense Committee of who she was, of all she had done.  A small act of defiance.

The fact that Anderson had taken the time to find them and bring themit was an act of supreme thoughtfulness and support.  She thought maybe it was time to forgive him for Horizon.  She quickly pushed away the sharp stab of pain that came with the thought of Horizon, of what had been lost, then foundthen lost again.

She exited the restroom to find Vega standing just inside the door.  He glanced over at her, then away, then back over.

"Damn, Commander.  I knew you were decorated and all, but…damn.  I haven't seen metal like that outside of Commandthat one time I got to see Command."

She smiled.  "Think it will be enough to make the Committee fall at my feet and beg forgiveness?"

"Only if they had any sense, and near as I can tell they don't.  Sorry."

She went to gather her few remaining items.  She looked at the desk and paused – chastised herself for being weak – then grabbed Kaidan's picture and put it in her bag.  

"So, Lieutenantwhen I met you it appeared you had recently engaged in a small scuffle"

"Just had to set a couple of Batarians straight.  No big deal."

She glanced over with a raised eyebrow.  "That so?  I heard I might have had something to do with the affair."

"They were just denying fact is all.  You did what you had to do; they needed a little help understanding that."

She stopped packing and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest.  "So you believe in the Reapers, then?"

"Yes ma'am."

"If I may ask, why?"

"Thing is, I saw the footage of Sovereign's attack on the Citadel.  Little while after that, my squad had a run-in with some Geth.  Creepy buggers, but no way they built Sovereign.  When the Council and the Brass started spouting that shit about Sovereign being a Geth leader, I thought they were loco."

"Good analysis, Lieutenant.  That all?"

He looked down at the floor, shifted his weight uncomfortably.  "You said the Reapers were real.  They tried to bury it, but I heard it.  Two years later, you said the Collectors were responsible for the colony attacks.  Even after I saw the Collectors attack a colony firsthand, Brass officially denied they were behind it.  Suddenly I kind of knew how you felt.  So you say the Reapers are real, I gotta believe they are."

He paused.  "But do you really think they'll be here in our lifetime?"

She looked him in the eye.  "I do, Lieutenant.  I wish like hell I didn't, but I do."

He chuckled.  "Well, shit."

She pushed off the wall and went to zip up her bag.  "You said it."

She picked up the bag, took one last look around the room that had been her home for the entirety of her second life, then squared her shoulders and turned to the door.  

"Time to face the music."

***

Shepard stood at attention before the Defense Committee.  

"Commander Shepard, you are hereby stripped of rank and status pending the conclusion of this Inquiry.  Do you understand the charges against you?"

She ground her teeth in barely-contained anger.  "Yes, sir."

"We will provide you with a list of questions and matters with respect to which we require additional information.  Dismissed."

That's all?  I get five fucking minutes, an offhanded stripping away of all legitimacy, and a dismissal?

This was going to be a nightmare.  A long, slow-motion, slideshow nightmarethat ended with a Reaper invasion and the death of everyone.

She wanted to rip the medals off her chest and throw them at the Committee.  But instead she just saluted, turned heel, and walked out of the room.  Vega was waiting for her just outside.  "How'd it go, ma'am?"

She smiled professionally.  "Well, I think."  But a few steps later she stopped and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes and breathing out slowly, her shoulders sagging.

"Commander?"

She opened one eye and looked over at him.  "For starters, you can stop calling me that.  As of five minutes ago, you outrank mebecause I don't have a rank."

"If it's all the same to you, I think I'll stick with 'Commander'."

She found an appreciative smile for him.  "Can I negotiate down to 'Shepard'?"

He thought about it for a minute.  "We'll see."

***

"Ma'am, Commander Alenko is here to see you."

Shepard didn't look up from the small desk where she sat preparing yet another report for the Committee.  "Tell him I'm not available."

"Same as I did yesterday, ma'am?"

"Yes, Lieutenant."

"And the day before?"

"Yeeessss"  she growled through gritted teeth.

"You do realize he knows you're in here, right?"

"James…"  Her voice was low, carrying a warning in it.

"Right.  Not my business."

Once she heard the door close she tossed the datapad on the desk and stared at the ceiling.  It had been almost two weeks since Anderson had met her at Ilium; one week since she had arrived at Alliance HQ in Vancouver and been committed to "house arrest."  

Of course she didn't have a house, and she doubted they would let her stay there if she did.  She was on-site in the Detention Center.  She wasn't confined to a cell, as such – she had a room with walls, windows, and a door; she had a bed, a table, a bathroom, a bookshelf, two chairs, a coffeemaker and extranet access (monitored of course).

This damn "inquiry" wasn't going to be completed anytime soon, it seemed.  The Defense Committee had asked for reports on everything.  While ostensibly the investigation was limited to the Bahak incident, they wanted to know every detail about her activities the last three and a half months – about the last two years, but she couldn't tell them anything about prior to waking up, of course.  She had politely pointed them to the Cerberus files she had so helpfully provided; they had smiled and nodded and stated those files would be made part of the record.  

She had considered killing them with her chair, it being the closest available weapon.  She had determined that she could take four of them, but not all fiveand so had opted for a polite nod instead.  

So now her days consisted of painstakingly detailing everything they wanted to know while working to protect those who had assisted her, meeting periodically with the Committee, chatting with the visitors she was allowed, fuming over the lack of urgency given to the quite obviously impending Reaper invasionand blocking Kaidan's attempts to see her.  

The last was far more exhausting than all the rest combinedemotionally at least.

The door opened and Vega reappeared.  "Sorry to bother you again, but Commander Alenko asked that I pass on a message to you."

She swallowed, but met Vega's stare.  "What is it?"

"You win."

She blinked, the only signal that the words had any effect on her.  "Thank you, Lieutenant."  She turned back around to the desk.

"Yes, ma'am.  I'll be outside if you need me."

The door closed behind him, and she dropped her head into her hands.

It was for the best, she reminded herself for the hundredth time.  She was poison.  A war criminal.  Publicly disgraced.  Better for him to feel hurt for a while, but go on to live a great life…at least until the Reapers arrived.

She opened the desk drawer and looked down at his picture she had hidden away.  She reached down and ran her fingertips along it softly.  "I miss you" she whispered.

She contemplated the picture a moment longer, then sighed, closed the drawer, picked the datapad back up and began reviewing what she had prepared so far – for all that it was going to matter once the Reapers rained destruction and ruin upon the galaxy.
The story of Commander Graceyn Shepard - life, death, rebirth, and life once again - in her own voice.


Companion art piece, "James": graceyn.deviantart.com/art/Jam…

[EDIT]: Beautiful (and relevant) fan art of Graceyn Shepard from ~Nanahuatli : nanahuatli.deviantart.com/art/…

First - Ch. 1 "Beginnings" -> graceyn.deviantart.com/art/If-…?
Previous - Ch. 47 "The End of the Beginning" -> graceyn.deviantart.com/art/If-…
Ch. 48 "Lockdown" -> Viewing
Next - Ch. 49 "The End of the World" -> graceyn.deviantart.com/art/If-…
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Dreamrstar's avatar
Damn. You win.

Arrow to my heart. I literally flinched in the middle of a public committee meeting.

Yeah I should be paying attention but damn politics.

I only slightly got called on it ... Oops.