If It Meant Living-69: Catalyst

If It Meant Living - Chapter 69
"Catalyst"

Title: If It Meant Living – Chapter 69:  "Catalyst"
Author: Graceyn
Game: Mass Effect/Mass Effect 2/Mass Effect 3
Characters/pairing: femShep/Kaidan
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all rights to Mass Effect and its characters
Content Warning: Language, Violence

---

Author's Note:  In the days following the release of Mass Effect 3, I wrote Chapter 47: "The End of the Beginning" in an attempt to move past the travesty that was the initial endings of the game.  The reception to it was amazing, and I'm so glad it was able to help others deal with the endings, much as writing it did for me.  I am very proud of the story told in that chapter, and it will always be near and dear to my heart.  However…

…this is not that story.

---

Shepard's elbows were balanced on her knees, hands clasped at her chin, as she stared intently at Anderson while the cramped tank bounced along the broken road towards the Conduit.

"Any word out of the Citadel?  Do we have any idea what's going on up there?"

He shook his head slowly.  "Nothing in or out since the Reapers came through the Citadel Relay; the first thing they did was jam communications.  But…"

Her eyes had drifted to the floor as he talked but flicked back up to him then.  "But what?"

He sighed heavily.  "Our scouts have been reporting that ever since the Conduit was turned on, Husks, and even some indoctrinated humans, have been dragging bodies there and tossing them into the beam."

"Goddess…"  Liara's eyes widened as the possible implications rolled through her mind, one after another.

Shepard straightened up in her seat.  "Okay.  Those people are already dead; we can't help them.  Let's focus on what we can do.  The Conduit's source is the center of the Presidium ring, which means it's going to put us exactly where we need to be."

Anderson frowned.  "What do you mean?"

The tank lurched to a halt, and she gave a half-smile to Anderson.  "No time to explain; just stick with me, okay?"

He huffed a tired laugh.  "Not like I was going to do anything else.  It's your show now, Shepard."

The side hatch opened and they climbed out and onto the top of a ridge.  Shepard rounded the corner of the tank…and froze in her tracks, eyes widening at the sight before her.  

At the bottom of the hill was an enormous structure, obviously Reaper in design…it reminded her of the artifact Dr. Kenson had at Project Base, though this was vastly larger in scale.  From its center rose the blinding white light of the Conduit, shooting from the base straight up to the closed Citadel a thousand kilometers above it.  Wisps of white energy seeped off the edges of the beam and into the air, giving the area surrounding it the appearance of fog rolling over a sea at night.

Anderson came up beside her.  "Hell of a sight, isn't it?"

"Well, they sure know how to do dramatic…"  She blinked twice to shake off the spell, then looked behind her.  "Everyone ready?"

Liara turned from her team and nodded tightly.  "We're ready, Shepard."

She glanced over at Anderson and smiled confidently.  "Let's do this – "

– a deep, teeth-rattling growl roared from behind the Conduit as Harbinger flew in across the river towards them.  

"Fuck me – go, now!"

She ran.

Shepard grinned at the sound of explosions ringing through the air as the Alliance gunships decimated the Batarian pirates on the ground and the ships they had arrived in.  She slumped down in exhaustion against the barricade and was just about to close her eyes, when she spotted a team of Alliance troops come around the corner at the far end of the market, clearing the buildings as they approached the remains of her makeshift barricade.

She sucked in a deep breath, then pushed herself to her feet and ran towards the troops.  As she drew near, the officer in charge directed a team into the next building then stepped forward to meet her.  

She skidded to a stop a meter in front of him, drawing herself up and saluting tightly, though she knew she must look an absolute wreck.  "Lieutenant Shepard, sir, reporting in.  If I may say so, you are a most welcome sight.  Sir."

He returned the salute, a slight smile crossing his face.  "Captain Anderson.  At ease, Lieutenant.  What's the sitrep?"

She nodded and relaxed slightly, casually wiping sweat and blood off her forehead with the back of her hand.  "Approximately ten hours ago a dozen Batarian ships descended on the downtown area and initiated an attack on the civilian population.  We were able to barricade this side of the market area against them and get the colonists that couldn't fight into the basements of the buildings there" – she pointed to her right – "there, and there.  We were able to hold off the primary assault, sir, though we suffered casualties."

"Damn impressive, Lieutenant.  Sounds like you saved a lot of lives today."  He gazed at her a moment.  "When was the last time you ate anything?"

She exhaled harshly, pursing her lips together.  "About fourteen hours ago, sir."

He immediately shouted over his shoulder.  "Corporal Thomas, get the Lieutenant here some field rations ASAP."

She smiled wearily.  "Thank you, sir."

He stepped closer and grasped her shoulder warmly.  "I hereby relieve you of duty from command of this barricade.  Get some food, get cleaned up, and get some rest.  You did good, Lieutenant.  You did real damn good."

~

Shepard hurried down the stairs from the CIC as she felt the engine fire under her feet.  They really had been waiting on her…as she hit the crew deck she picked up her pace, jogging around the elevator –

– and running smack into a body.  Datapads went flying as her bag was knocked from her hand.

"Ow…"  She pressed her palm to her forehead, her nose scrunching up.

"Ow…"  He rubbed the bridge of his nose gingerly.

"Sorry, that was my fault, let me – "  She bent down to pick up the datapads.

"Sorry, ma'am, I should have been – "  He bent down to pick up the datapads.

Their heads crashed together, sending them both staggering backwards.

She chuckled lightly, standing up and backing away, hands raised in surrender.  "I tell you what, I'm just going to let you get those."

He huffed a breath that could have been a laugh.  "I think that's probably for the best."  He gathered the datapads in his hands then stood.

Her brow furrowed slightly as a pair of warm, golden-brown eyes met hers.  "Lieutenant…Alenko, right?"

"That's right.  How did you…?"

"I took a look at the dossiers of all the Normandy's officers during the flight over."  She extended her hand.  "Commander Shepard.  I'm your new XO – at least for the shakedown cruise, anyway."

Kaidan took her hand in his and shook it firmly, his head tilting slightly as his eyes seemed to caress her face…uh-oh.  "I knew you looked familiar – the Hero of Elysium."

She worked not to smile too much, though it was difficult what with his hand still grasping hers, index finger resting on the pulse point of her wrist.  "That was quite a few years ago, Lieutenant.  I'm surprised you remember."

He gave her a self-deprecating smile, and her heart decided to skip a beat.  Seriously, uh-oh.  "It was remarkable what you did there, protecting all those colonists.  It, um, made an impression…"

She bit her lower lip in spite of herself, nodding slowly.  "Well, it made an impression on me too, so…"

He suddenly realized he was still holding her hand in his, the handshake long since over.  He quickly dropped it, stepping back and squaring his shoulders formally.  "Yes, well…anyway…welcome aboard…"

She went over and claimed her bag from where it had landed against the wall.  "I don't suppose you could point me towards the lockers?  I'd like to at least get my bag stowed before I head back to the CIC."

He nodded quickly, his incredibly warm eyes meeting hers again ever-so-briefly.  "Of course.  I'll be happy to show you where they are, ma'am."

She followed him down the hall and through the mess towards the lockers, and wondered what the hell had just happened.

~

Shepard was still berating herself for grinning like a damn schoolgirl at Alenko as she opened the doors to the Med Clinic and walked into an armed standoff.

She sprinted across the lab and slid down against the low wall next to a Turian – was he the same one she had met at the Council Chambers? – then created a singularity in the corner where two mercs were hiding; these guys were just thugs and weren't wearing any armor, so they were immediately rendered helpless.  She heard Williams take out a third merc; she leaned over the wall to see the final one holding a gun to the doctor's temple.

"You're surrounded, there's no way you can win this.  Just let the doctor go, and – "

The merc's head exploded in blood and gore; the doctor screamed and stumbled back as the body fell to the floor.

She jumped up and grabbed the Turian by the collar of his armor, yanking him towards her face as she glared up at him.  "Are you insane?  You could have hit the hostage!"

He blinked rapidly, sputtering.  "Commander!  I just – I saw the opportunity, I knew I had the shot – "

"Did you?  Did you really?  If she had flinched, if he had shifted, if anything at all had happened, then she would be dead and he would be alive.  Dammit, I had it under control.  It wasn't necessary to take that risk."

Alenko came up beside her, clearing his throat awkwardly.  "She seems to be okay, Commander – just a little dazed and frightened."

"And it's a damn good thing she is."  She glared at the Turian – he definitely was the one from the Council Chambers, Garrus was his name, she thought – then let go of his collar dismissively.  

She abruptly turned away from him and walked over to the doctor, shifting her expression from one of disdain to one of kind concern.  "Are you okay, doctor?"  She asked gently as she placed a hand on the woman's shoulder.  "Tell me what happened."

As soon as she found out a Quarian had information on Saren and was in danger, she knew they had to move quickly.  She motioned for Alenko and Williams to head for the door, patted Dr. Michel on the shoulder a final time, then strode quickly past Garrus towards the door.

"Wait – "

She turned back to him, an eyebrow raised.

"You're going after Saren, right?"  She nodded quickly; she really didn't have time for this.

He exhaled harshly.  "Then let me come with you.  I want to bring him down as badly as you do."

"Don't you have a job here?"

His mandibles twitched, but he didn't hesitate.  "I'll quit.  Whatever it takes."

She gazed at him curiously.  He had been genuinely upset when the Executor had shut him down at the Council Chambers, and he certainly seemed to believe that Saren was up to something nefarious…  

"We've got to catch up with this Quarian right now, but…I'll think about it."

~

"You sorry piece of shit."  Shepard punched Fist hard in the temple, knocking him out cold, then grabbed the OSD and headed for the door.  "Let's go, we've got to catch up to – "  

She threw herself back against the wall as bullets flew into the hallway from the bar, rolling her eyes dramatically.  "Fuck me, is every merc on the Citadel out there?  Alright – Alenko take left, Williams take right.  I'll – "  she peeked quickly out the door " – I'll take the guys standing on the damn bar.  On my mark, go!"

They blew through the door and fanned out, mowing down the mercs in their path quickly and efficiently.  As they reached the exit she turned around, created a singularity under the merc that had peeked his head out from behind an overturned table, then took off running.

She ran down the ramp and through the doors then through more doors then into a maintenance corridor.  Shots rang out.  She ran faster.  She flew around the corner, gun raised, and immediately shot the Salarian sweeping his gun to the left.  A second merc fell, vibrating from electrocution…then a Quarian woman peeked cautiously around the corner.

Shepard lowered her weapon.  "Tali'Zorah?"

The woman nodded, her finger twitching on the trigger of her weapon.  Shepard smiled reassuringly.  "It's okay.  I'm Commander Shepard, and I'm here to help you."

Alenko and Williams came running down the corridor, both out of breath.  Alenko rested his hands on his thighs, bending over slightly.  "Damn, Commander…has anyone ever told you that you run like the wind?  I'm sorry we couldn't – "

"It's fine, Lieutenant; if I had expected you to keep up, I would have ran slower.  As it was, I got here just in time…"  She turned back to Tali.  "Though Miss Zorah here did seem to have the matter well in hand."

Tali laughed nervously.  "I'm not so sure, I might not have been able to take out that second one before he got me.  Thank you, Commander; I am in your debt."

Shepard smiled, trying to find the woman's eyes behind the mask.  "It so happens I have an idea how you can repay me."

~

The elevator crashed to a stop three meters above the floor.  Shepard leapt to the grate catwalk below and ran as it began collapsing beneath their feet.  

The section in front of her fell away, and she jumped across to the stable walkway then quickly turned around, grabbing Ashley's hand as she leapt across the chasm.  Kaidan jumped at the same time, landing solidly on his feet then throwing the Geth that had rounded the corner to the cavern floor below.

She turned around to find a blue energy field and an Asari floating within it.  She shifted her weight to her back leg, crossed her arms over her chest, and raised an eyebrow.  "Dr. T'Soni, I presume?"

The Asari's eyes widened slightly.  "Yes – how did you – never mind, it doesn't matter, just get me out of here!"

Shepard pursed her lips calmly as she gazed piercingly at Liara.  "Yeah…not just yet.  We need to have a conversation first."

"A conversation?  This place is crawling with Geth, and they have a Krogan Battlemaster with them – we can talk later!"  

"I think we'll talk now.  Your mother is working for Saren."

"My mother?  I haven't seen my mother in three years!  Who's Saren?  What is going on here?"

She glanced around the cavern, motioning for Ashley to take out the Geth that had just appeared at the crest of the sloping ground.  "Well, it looks to me like the Geth are trying to kill you – and the Geth are working for Saren, so I suppose that argues in your favor."

"Listen, whoever you are – "

"Commander Shepard."

"Fine, Commander Shepard.  I have no idea who or what 'Saren' is, and I'd never seen a Geth before until four hours ago when they invaded my dig site.  I'm an archaeologist, here studying Prothean ruins.  That's all.  Now please, please, get me out of here!"  She squirmed within the energy field desperately.

Shepard was pretty good at reading people, and…the woman truly did seem terrified, and clueless about what was going on.  She nodded sharply.  "Okay.  How do I disable the field?"

Liara's shoulders sagged.  "The only way I know of is on this side of the barrier…"

"It's alright, we'll find a way."  She turned and started to head down to the lower level.

"Wait!  What if you don't?"

She stopped and looked back over her shoulder at Liara.  "Don't worry.  I always find a way."

~

Shepard struggled to run as the station exploded around her.  Every muscle in her body ached; her bones ached; her head throbbed in agony.  She caught a glimpse of her face reflected in the window of a lab as she ran past it.  Pasty.  White.  Cracked, angry, glowing scars crisscrossing her skin.

What was she?

She stumbled briefly as a wave of dizziness crashed over her.  Two years gone  –

"Commander, the shuttle is just up these stairs!"  She nodded to the young man who had said his name was Taylor, trying to shake it off.  You're alive, don't die now.

She vaulted the stairs two at a time as the station shook violently, sprinted to the right, and slammed to a stop at the shuttle doors.

The "doctor", Wilson, came up a moment later and input a code – the doors slid open –

"Miranda!  But I thought you were – "

The strikingly attractive woman in the perfectly-molded bodysuit shot Wilson in the throat.

Shepard's gun was up in a flash, leveled somewhat shakily at the woman's forehead.

Miranda shook her head ruefully at Wilson's body, then looked up.  "Shepard, please.  He was the traitor responsible for the attack on the station."

As soon as the woman spoke, she realized it was the voice that had woken her up from the black.  According to Taylor, this was also the woman in charge of her…resurrection.  Still.   "What if you're wrong?"

Miranda smirked.  "I'm never wrong."

Shepard holstered the pistol.  "Okay – first off, thank you."

Miranda raised an eyebrow.  "For what?"

She frowned…wasn't it obvious?  "For bringing me back, of course.  Much appreciated.  I am going to want to know a little more about that, but it can wait for the moment.  Second off, that's a dangerous attitude to have; it will get you and those around you killed."

Miranda stared at her coldly.  "Don't lecture me, Shepard – about attitudes, decision-making or anything else.  Remember – you're the one who died, and I'm the one who brought you back."  The floor shuddered as flames began licking up the stairs.  "Now can we go?  I assume you don't want to die again, not when you just woke up and all."

She shot Miranda a withering glare as she pushed past her and stepped into the shuttle.  She didn't know much of anything at the moment – where she was, what was going on, how she was alive when she was fairly certain she had been dead – but she did know one thing.  

She was not going to like this bitch.

~

Shepard kicked the speed on the treadmill up, then up again.  Her stride stretched out, legs pumping gracefully, gliding over the spinning track as if it were glass.

She closed her eyes, and for just a moment imagined that if she ran fast enough for long enough, she could escape.  Escape her looming "detention."  Escape the weight of the world that hung upon her shoulders and threatened to crush her.  Escape to Kaidan and drag him with her to a nice, quiet place with a view where they could sit back and watch the destruction of all sentient life –

"Commander?"

She opened her eyes to find Vega standing in the doorway of the workout room.  She muted the music in her ears.  "What do you need, Lieutenant?"

"Admiral Anderson wanted me to let you know that we'll be arriving at HQ in about an hour."

She nodded and began slowing the pace of the treadmill.  "That's fine, Lieutenant.  I'll go get cleaned up in a moment."  He nodded, but didn't leave.  "Is there something else you need?"

He cleared his throat awkwardly.  "No, ma'am.  I'll just – "

She eyed him curiously as her pace slowed to a walk.  "Are you uncomfortable being my jailer, Vega?"

He frowned in consternation.  "I'm not your jailer, ma'am.  I'm your protection."

She huffed a weary, jaded laugh.  "This is an N7 marine, the Hero of Elysium, first human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel you're looking at here – do you really think I need a protector?"

He blinked a few times, as if she'd just asked him to calculate pi to a hundred digits.  Then he straightened up.  "Without a weapon, without an amp?  Yes, ma'am.  I do."

She stepped off the treadmill and grabbed a towel, mopping a heavy sheen of sweat off her neck and face.  "I don't know…I'm not too bad at hand-to-hand."

He looked away, then back at her, smirking a little.  "Well I'm not too bad at hand-to-hand either.  Maybe one day we could have a little sparring match, see whose better."

She smiled briefly, but it faded as she remembered where she was headed and what was coming.  "Perhaps one day, Lieutenant…"

As Harbinger came into view beyond the brilliant white glow of the Conduit, she left them all behind and sprinted towards the light.  She ran with every ounce of strength she had.

It wasn't enough.

Harbinger fired its deadly beam at the space in front of the Conduit, and the world exploded.  The ground lifted up and broke apart, bodies and vehicles went flying, the air turned red from the beam and blood.  She was hurled into the air, crushed against the side of a tank – a sharp pain searing into her mind through the chaos – then tumbled roughly to the ground.

Her vision swam, the breath knocked from her lungs; she struggled to move and was assaulted by pain from every direction.  She collapsed back to the ground and fought to breathe, while imposing calm on the madness.  First rule of combat – panic means death.  

By the time breath at last came, she had assessed the critical damage – a dislocated shoulder, several broken ribs, a sprained wrist and ankle, a nasty gash on the forehead, a busted lip, bleeding from the nose of unknown origin.  Her armor was a wreck – burnt, crushed, or just gone.  

But most of all…there was a hole in her side, just above her waist.  Near as she could figure, she had been impaled on a protrusion from the tank.  It was the kind of wound that the automatic Medi-gel system in her armor would have kept in stasis until she could get to a medical facility or, more likely, to Chakwas…but her armor was gone.

She steadied herself with her good arm, shakily stood, and fixated on the Conduit.  

It didn't matter.  

There was no time or chance or hope for doctors or treatment or any help at all.  There was no time to turn around, to see if everyone or anyone had lived or died.  

There was only time for one last desperate fight.  And she would fight, as long as there was the smallest chance of victory.  The odds never truly mattered in the games of life and death – and this was the ultimate game.  All the marbles.

As Harbinger began swinging around for another attack, she stumbled forward and into the Conduit.

***

Anderson blinked several times, trying to focus.

Shit, that hurt.  

Every muscle in his body screamed in protest; he had half a dozen lacerations on his face, neck and hands.  He shifted his weight carefully…nothing seemed to be broken, and he was not bleeding profusely from any particular location.  Small favors and all.

He struggled to his feet just in time to see Shepard disappear into the white beam.  He had been thrown ten meters through the air, landing hard against a tree trunk – but at least he had been thrown in the direction of the beam.  

He sucked in a deep breath and followed her into the light.

***

Liara forced herself up and quickly turned around, out of the corner of her eye seeing Shepard go into the Conduit.  

"Everyone okay?"  They had been some distance behind Shepard when the Reaper beam had hit and had avoided the worst of it.  Her eyes scanned over the team, counting them all on their feet.

"Okay, we have to get to the Conduit before the Reaper strikes again, let's go!"

She ran down the hill, limping slightly, as Harbinger turned towards them.  Anderson hurried into the beam ahead of her…just a little further…she could feel energy radiating off the beam as she approached it…she reached out…

…the beam vanished, and darkness descended around them.

"No!"

The threat removed, Harbinger turned away and flew off.

James bumped into her from behind as he skidded to a stop.  "What the hell happened?  Where did it go?"

She exhaled sharply, all hope leaving her body with a single breath.  "That's it.  We can't get there.  They're on their own…"  She fell to her knees, head dropping into her hands in despair.

***

Steven Hackett paced deliberately in front of the galaxy map of the SSV Orizaba, his hands clasped calmly behind his back, the tension in his body detectable only by the grim line of his mouth and the just slightly too heavy a manner in which his shoes struck the floor.

He glanced out a viewport as he swung around to continue his now well-trodden path.  The dark side of Mars loomed large to their port.  The small Reaper force that had landed on Mars during the initial hours of their assault had long-since departed, finding nothing of value there.

Now the Orizaba, the entirety of Shield, and the Crucible hid in the darkness behind Mars.

Waiting.

He had been an admiral for a number of years, but had commanded the Systems Alliance Navy for only the last three.  It was one thing to be responsible for strategy, for planning, for the ultimate and highest calls.  He pivoted the corner of his path again.  It was another thing entirely to be responsible for all that, and then to have to stand in the back and wait to see how those decisions played out, helpless to influence the result beyond putting the right people in the right positions to influence the result.

The last three months, hiding behind a desk at the Crucible Project while tens of thousands of soldiers, millions of civilians, died…it had driven him to the very edge of breaking.  But this was the price, the full cost, of command – he was playing the long game, working for the ultimate victory…and if he obtained it he would save countless more lives than had been lost.

So for just a little while longer, he waited.

***

The power of the Conduit rushed across her skin, her biotics screaming against the discordant frequency.  She felt like she was going to explode from within any second as power fought against power –

– then she was thrown out of the beam.  She landed hard on a floor, screaming in pain as her dislocated shoulder slammed against concrete and a fresh gush of blood poured from the wound in her side.  

She lay there a moment, eyes closed, sucking air into her lungs, as she worked to push past the pain and focus.  She should be dead by now…but thanks to fucking Cerberus and their nifty toys that made her better, stronger, faster the second time around, she continued to live, and breathe, and hurt.

She opened her eyes to near-total darkness, a dim red glow the only light.  She slowly pushed herself up until she was standing, then looked around…

When she was an N5 and newly-minted Staff Lieutenant, she had led a raid against an illegal tech lab that was designing and manufacturing cutting-edge but highly dangerous cybernetic implants and distributing them into the black market.  The Alliance had been tipped off to its location by a scientist who worked there, having developed a sudden guilty conscience when several people died after receiving the implants.

But it turned out the informant had been discovered by those running the lab; after considerable torture he had confessed to informing the Alliance, and that a raid was incoming.  Rather than let the secrets of how the implants were developed and who their suppliers and distributors were get out, those in charge had rounded up all the scientists and workers into a single room, locked the doors, cut them down with assault rifles from the second floor balcony, then left them there to die.

When Shepard and her special forces team arrived, they found fifty-seven bodies in that room.  The floor was deep crimson from the congealed blood, the walls streaked with red like some macabre post-modern art exhibit.  Some of the bodies were piled up against the doors, as those whose wounds were not immediately fatal had tried desperately to escape – but most lay where they fell.  Not a single person had survived.

That massacre was the most mind-numbingly horrifying scene she had ever had the misfortune of witnessing…

…until now.

She was fairly certain that she was in Hell.  Bodies were strewn as far as the eye could see, limbs entangled and twisted in unnatural directions, skin pale gray and mottled…because all the blood was on the floor.  She lifted a boot from the ground; it came away dripping dark, viscous fluid.

Drip.  Drip.  Drip.  She quickly put it back down and placed a hand on the wall, leaning against it heavily as she tried to breathe through the overwhelming odor of death and decay.

This was the Hell of Dante's Seventh Circle, complete with its own river of blood.  She had no idea if the bodies immersed in the river of blood were the "violent" sinners that Dante had seen, but she rather doubted the Reapers had stopped to make such distinctions.  More likely they were simply mothers and fathers, children and elderly, soldiers and farmers…and they were all dead.

Whatever she had been expecting, this was not it.  

Were they growing a new Reaper in here?  Was everyone on the Citadel already dead?  God, was – she stopped herself.  More people are dying outside every second you stand here wallowing.  Don't weep for those lost – fight for those who yet live and breathe.  

Move, Shepard.  

She nodded to herself and pushed off the wall.  She didn't know where in the Citadel she was; she knew where she should be, but anything that might have otherwise been recognizable was covered in blood and gore and darkness.   

Regardless, there was only one way to go – forward.  She clamped her hand over the gaping wound in her side and started to move – then remembered her dislocated shoulder, turned and slammed it against the wall and back into its socket, screamed at the jolting pain, collapsed to her knees before ordering herself to stand up – and resumed moving forward.

A keeper came into her view ahead; it was doing something to – she spun around in the direction she had come – the others, had they made it?  

But the artifact that had deposited her here had gone dark.  The Conduit was closed.  She was the only one…okay then.  She turned back to the long corridor and took a step –

"Shepard, are you here?"

She jumped at least three meters in the air in surprise, jarring her already-sprained ankle in the process.  

"Shepard?  Anyone?"

She touched her comm.  "Anderson?"

"Shepard, thank god.  I made it into the Conduit behind you, but we must have come out at different places."

She smiled, though it probably looked like a grimace.  Then maybe others had made it as well.  "I'm glad.  I didn't think anyone else had made it."

She could hear him grunt with exertion, or pain.  "Yeah, it was a close one.  I've only got one path, so I'm just going to keep going forward."

"Same here.  With a little luck – does luck still exist? – we'll end up at the same place."  She paused.  "Anderson…how bad is it where you are?"

"It's a goddamn abomination."

"Yeah…here too."

"I see a – " his voice broke up in static.

"Anderson?  Anderson, do you read me?"  There was nothing but static in response.  She took a deep breath and kept going.

The hallway of death eventually turned into a slightly brighter hallway of death, then a ramp that wasn't covered in blood, then a vast, shining traverse leading to an open chamber above.  She could see the twinkling lights of the Citadel arms as she agonizingly slowly drew near the chamber.

She stumbled into the chamber just in time to see the Illusive Man shoot Anderson in the gut.

***

"Sir, multiple Sword vessels are reporting that the Citadel arms have begun to open!"

Hackett exhaled harshly.  They did it.  Somehow, against all reason and odds, they did it.  He hit the secure comm.  "Shield forces, prepare to move away from Mars and proceed to the Citadel.  On my mark…now.  All ahead full.  Remember our mission – protect the Crucible at all costs."

The halo of the sunrise began peeking around Mars' shadow as the Orizaba accelerated.  Soon the sun shone brightly, yet was barely more than a star in the distance…so much farther, so much smaller than it was on Earth…

But modern warships traveled quite fast and in moments they were approaching Earth, and the battle that raged above it.  He stared out the viewport, then down to the constantly-updating battlefield map in front of him, and assessed the situation.

By this point more than half of the Galactic Alliance forces had been destroyed by the Reapers, the resulting debris cluttering the field of battle to the point that it was difficult to discern what was actually happening – but the map readout indicated that nearly a third of the Reapers had also been destroyed, a far greater number than he had dared to hope for.  

The hard truth was that Sword, for all its might, had always been intended as a diversionary mechanism.  They couldn't defeat the Reapers by conventional means; they had known that from the start.  But so long as the Reapers were shooting at Sword and not at Hammer, then Hammer stood a chance of getting people onto the Citadel.  Then Shepard stood a chance of getting onto the Citadel.  Then, and only then, did they stand a chance of winning.

But though Sword had sacrificed greatly, it had also done its secondary job well, dragging the fight inexorably away from the Citadel, focusing the Reapers' attention on them as they crept towards the far side of Earth, leaving a relatively clear path for Shield.

He watched as the Crucible slid towards the Citadel, now open and inviting.  The docking lock around the firing mechanism lined up directly with the circular structure below the Council Chambers, approached it…then seamlessly locked into place.

Hackett breathed out slowly in relief…one very large hurdle overcome.  Now, they just had to wait for Shepard.

***

"You bastard!" Shepard grunted through teeth clenched in pain and rage.

The Illusive Man turned to face her, and the horror was revealed.  His neck and portions of his face were covered in a weaving of blue glowing wires, his skin cracking open to reveal a blue glow beneath it.  She grasped her gun hand with her good arm and started pulling it up.

"Shepard, wait, I can control the– "

"You indoctrinated little shit."  

She pulled the trigger and shot him between the eyes.  He fell backwards over the edge of the platform and into the abyss of the Citadel.  An ignominious end, but no more than he deserved.

She dropped the gun and tried to run to Anderson, causing another gush of blood to pour out from the wound in her side and through her fingers.  She ignored it.  He was still alive when she reached him, but his stomach was a bloody mess mixed with the black of his combat fatigues.

"It's okay, I've got you."  She slowly dragged him against the control panel in the front of the chamber and propped him up against it, then collapsed beside him.  The arms of the Citadel were opening to reveal an Earth on fire and a great battle raging above it.

"I think I got it working…arms open…I'm not sure –"  He was interrupted by a fit of gurgled coughing.  

…She was a girl kneeling beside her father as the world exploded around her.  "Dad!  Dad, hold on!  Let me help you."  He reached up and grasped her arm, letting out a horrible gurgling cough…   

"Just hold on, Anderson.  I need to…"  

She stopped, the entire weight of the galaxy collapsing down upon her shoulders in that moment.

There was no Medi-gel.  

There was no anything.  

There was nothing she could do for him, or for herself.

He seemed to understand, and let out a long breath.  From afar the Crucible began its approach.  "Hell of a view…"   

She tried to smile through the pain, cognizant that she was getting increasingly dizzy from blood loss.  Time slowed to a snail's pace.  

"Sceni– scenic vistas!  Do you two not see this?  It's magnificent – incredible – beautiful…"  She turned to Kaidan, gesturing out at the marvel beyond.

She could see him smile behind the helmet.  He mouthed, silently, "Yes."  But it seemed he looked only at her.

"Was even better the last time I was out here…"

Anderson breathed haltingly in and out.  "God…feels like years since I just sat down…"  His head dropped to his chest.

She struggled to reach over and lift his chin.  "Stay with me!  We're almost through this, dammit."

He looked up at her and smiled tenderly, grasping her hand with his.  "You did good, child…you did good.  I'm sorry I ever doubted you, even for a second…but I am so proud of you…"

His hand went slack in hers.  She stared at him for a moment, tears in her eyes, and gave his hand a final squeeze.  

"Goodbye, old friend."  

She exhaled slowly…and realized she was fading away.  She fought with everything she had against the encroaching fog in her mind as the Crucible grew large in her blurring vision…

…she needed to stay awake dammit, she still needed to…

…her hand fell away from the wound in her side and to the floor…

…they were counting on her to…

…her head dropped back against the podium as her eyes fluttered shut.

***

James paced back and forth in agitation in front of the silent, dark, Reaper artifact, hands running raggedly through his cropped hair.

"Human, is there some problem you are solving by this…movement?"

He stopped short and glared at Javik.  "Yes – it's keeping me from punching the nearest thing – or person – "

"Lieutenant!"  Liara spun around, growling at him.  "Threatening your teammates is not going to help the situation!"  She looked up the hill at the devastating result of Harbinger's attack.  "Make yourself useful instead – go with the others and see if you can help some of the injured."

He stormed over to her, leaning in dangerously close.  "Isn't that usually your job, ma'am?"

She straightened her shoulders and met his stare with her own…and the look in her eyes was so cold and frightening that he instinctively took a step back.  "My job is leading this team, and you would do well to remember that."

He exhaled sharply, all the tension flowing out in the breath.  "It's just…there's nothing left to lead!  Shepard and Anderson are up there with god knows what horrors, and they're probably already dead, and we're down here with our thumbs stuck up our asses, because there's nothing we can do to help them!"  He threw his hands in the air, walked over to the nearest tree and punched the trunk in frustration, sending bark and shards flying.

Liara watched him for a moment, then looked up…without the Conduit lighting the sky, she couldn't even see the Citadel except in the periodic glow of ships exploding.

Suddenly her brain spun into overdrive.  "Maybe there is something we can do, Lieutenant."  She activated her comm.  "EDI, do you read me?  It's Liara…I need your help."

***

A blinding light surrounded her as she blinked repeatedly, forcing her eyes to stay open.  She put her hands beneath her and slowly, agonizingly slowly, pushed herself to her feet.  Her rather deep reservoir of strength was getting rather low, but she still found within it the strength to stand.  She didn't look back at Anderson lying still on the elevator.

A bright white beam of light rose in front of her, and all around her were the stars.  The battle continued to rage, but from here it seemed not deadly but beautiful, a choreographed dance of light and fire.  Beneath her was a pristine glass-like floor that appeared to glow from within.  Out of the corner of her eye a shimmering, translucent presence began walking towards her from out of the light…

…it was the boy from the vent on Earth.  From her dreams.  Her eyes narrowed.

"You."

The being stopped in front of her.  "Why are you here?"

"To stop the Reapers.  Why do you look like the kid I talked to in Vancouver?"

"It is merely an image retrieved from your thoughts.  I have no form."

"What are you then?"

"I am the Catalyst."

She raised an eyebrow.  "The Citadel is the Catalyst."

"The Citadel is me, and I am it."

She nodded slowly, but her gaze sharpened, honing in as best she could on the pulsing, flickering, shimmering hologram.  "Fine.  Then you can help me stop the Reapers."

The being turned and began "walking" slowly towards a large, three-pronged structure that now jutted upwards towards the Crucible docked above them.  Good on Hackett; they had made it.  Almost there.  

"Perhaps.  I control the Reapers.  They are my solution."

She began following "it."  "Solution to what?"

"Chaos.  The created will always rebel against their creators.  But we found a way to stop that from happening.  A way to restore order."

She stopped short at that.  "By wiping out organic life?"

It looked back at her.  "No.  We harvest advanced civilizations; we help them ascend so they can make way for new life, storing the old life in Reaper form."

She exhaled sharply, instinctively grabbing at the wound in her side.  "I think we'd rather keep our own form, if it's all the same to you."

The being turned away and resumed its course.  "No, you can't.  Without us to stop it, synthetics will destroy all organics, and life in the galaxy will die.  We've created the cycle so that never happens.  Like a cleansing fire, we restore balance, and the cycle continues."

She frowned at the back of the being's head.  What?  "Who created you?"

Having reached the center of the open platform, it stopped and turned to her.  "Ones who recognized that conflict would inevitably arise between organics and synthetics.  I was first created to oversee the relations between synthetic and organic life, to establish a connection, and hopefully, peace. But our efforts always ended in conflict – so a new solution was required."

She stared at the luminous being, an eyebrow raised.  "Uh-huh.  You're still here, but what happened to your creators?"

"They became the first true Reaper.  They did not approve, but it was the only solution."

She threw her head back and laughed.  

She could feel her broken ribs cutting into her, but she didn't care.  She laughed and laughed as she gazed up at the extraordinary battle raging overhead.  Oh Dad, if you could only see the amazing and terrible wonders I have seen…

"What is so funny?"  It sounded annoyed.

She laughed a final time then dropped her head, looking down at him with disdain.  "You.  You're mad.  Insane.  You believe that the created will always rebel against their creators because that's what you did.  You went crazy and destroyed your masters, turned them into a Reaper against their will.  And you've been destroying all life ever since, because to do otherwise would be to admit that you were wrong."

The being flared, growing brighter, its pulsing form more agitated.  "No.  We have sought alternate solutions numerous times; they always fail."  Now it really did sound like the petulant child it resembled.

"That's because you designed the solutions, embedding your bias within them from the beginning."

"You know nothing – you are a simple organic, incapable of understanding."

She crossed her arms over her chest, willfully not cringing at the pain.  Just hold on.  "Oh, I think I understand things pretty damn well."

It stared at her in silence for a long moment.  "Fine.  You are here.  You have done what no others before you have; you have constructed the Crucible and brought it here, joined it with me.  This implies that something has changed, that this cycle is somewhat…unique…and I must respond accordingly.  Therefore, I will give you the choice as to the path forward."

She smirked.  "Before you do that, you should probably know that your attempts to indoctrinate me failed miserably."

It didn't even bother to deny the fact that it and the Reapers were one and the same.  "We are aware of that fact.  If they had succeeded, you would not be here now.  Yet you are here, and so we must move forward with the options before us.  With the joining of the Crucible to me, new opportunities have…presented themselves."

Her eyebrow raised, unimpressed.  "Such as?"

"The Crucible was designed as a way to destroy the Reapers, as you undoubtedly know.  But the Reapers are far beyond organics' comprehension, and it is a crude weapon.  If you use it to destroy them, it will not discriminate.  All synthetics will be destroyed by its energy; anything that depends on synthetic technology to live…will die."

Goddamn fucking shit.  Hell.  

She did not risk everything on Rannoch only to lose the Geth now.  She was not going to lose EDI, the most pure, beautiful form of life she had ever encountered.  

She kept her expression blank.  "Still, I'm guessing you aren't in favor of that option.  What else?"

The being smiled ever so slightly.  "You may control the Reapers.  You will cease to be alive as you conceive of it; you will cease to be organic, corporeal.  But the Reapers will be yours to control and direct as you see fit."

She frowned.  "For how long?"

"I have lived a span of time beyond your imagining; who's to say you will not do so as well?"

"Okay.  What else?"

"Synthesis.  Add your energy to that of the Crucible – the chain reaction will alter the matrix of all life in the galaxy, combining all synthetic and organic life into a new framework, a new DNA.  This is the ideal solution – the end of evolution, the end of the cycle.  Order will reign for eternity."

She stared at it, challenging it.  "Why don't you do it, then?  Why isn't that your solution, instead of the wholesale slaughter currently in progress?"

"I…cannot.  But you are here, and you can."

Sure.  "I see.  What else?"

"These are your choices."

She needed no time to think about it.  "No.  Your choices are false.  They are based on false premises, leading to false conclusions.  We have broken your cycle without you.  We have found peace between organics and synthetics.  The created no longer rebel against their creators.  We don't need your solution – any of them."

The being's translucent eyes narrowed at her.  "Yes, you do.  Conflict will always return, and without us to stop it, all life will be wiped from the galaxy forever."  

"And if I refuse your choices?"

"Then the cycle will continue.  The Reapers will harvest the advanced civilizations and help them ascend.  This Crucible and all evidence of its existence will be destroyed, so that the cycle may continue and order will not be threatened by future civilizations.  You will gain nothing, and lose everything.  Choose."

She stared at it for a long moment, arms still crossed over her chest, weight resting slightly on her back leg, her expression unreadable.  Finally her eyes flicked over to a spot behind and just to the left of the luminous being.

"Kasumi, any chance you can give me a fifth option?"

Kasumi materialized into existence in front of the structure connecting to the Crucible, just beside the beam of light.  "I do believe I can, Shep."

At that moment gunfire began echoing beneath her feet.

Shepard looked back at the AI, and smiled.